state of the union- february

1. it still hurts. it hurt it hurts it hurts. it shouldn't, but it does. i keep running his words through my head- even the ones from two years ago- trying to figure out why they had to be said.
2. i wish i had known how long he was lying to me, and why he felt the need to. "I don't intend to replace you anytime soon, it's good to know someone out there cares about you." "Oh, it's not like that with her, i would never let it happen." and the biggest one of all, "I love you."
3. the other day, i had this really intense moment where i ranted at my reflection, pretending it was him. one of these days i'll get to do it for real.
4. i went to semi-formal with a group of girls. i've never done that before. they're not girls i had ever associated myself with, but they were simply amazing. lately i've gotten to know them a lot better, and quite frankly, i think they're lovely. they really are.
5. the next few weeks are going to be amazing. a schedule of events: this thursday is matt's NHS induction. then march 5 is the muse concert. march 7 i have to do this really intense reading for palm sunday mass *gulp*. march 8-11 is MONTREAL!! then march 13 is my first SAT. i'm excited :)
6. i've been thinking a lot about the fact that in a little over 3 years, i'll be 20. holy fuck.
7. i adore my short stories class at brookdale. it's fantastic. i sit next to these two characters: erric, with 2 "r"s. he smokes menthol cigarettes, wears a hat all the time, has a pair folded headphones in his pocket, is left handed, and write poetry. sometimes i look at his open notebook, and i love what i read. it's fascinating. he has lovely eyes and is soft spoken. he has nice hands. and then shannon. she lives in asbury park, and is originally from south carolina. she has a gap in her two front teeth (a sign of independence and beauty for women in medieval times), also wears a hat all the time, and is just really nice to listen to. when we discuss our short stories, she is the one that will find meaning in even the smallest details. i love to listen to the two of them talk. throughout class, they write back and forth on erric's notebook about their writing (i think they're both lib arts majors) and such. i thought at first that they were maybe being flirtatious (even though she seems older than erric, who i assume is between 18 and 20) but then she blurted proudly once that she was gay in the middle of a story. that made her even cooler, haha. i want to talk to erric more, i really do. maybe this wednesday i'll sidle up to him a bit more.
8. vancouver 2010. enough said <3