juliana is ______.

"Well I'll do the best i can answering this question. Juliana is perfect comes pretty close to a decent description but it doesn't do it justice so i'll expand on that. Juliana is as perfect as I could imagine anyone being in this world; she is smart, beautiful, funny, cute, amazing, my best friend, my girlfriend, always worried, kind and caring, the greatest person in the world, a math hater, an anglophile, a grammar slut, and someone who means the world to me.

uoy evol I
eilrahC (kcuhC)"


this is from january 16, 2008. i found it going through my old e-mail account today. i just goes to show how superficial our relationship was. it was love, but not the real, deep deep kind. in this, he just reiterates old adjectives and phrases. i'm sure i did mean the world to him, but was that enough to keep us together- in a relationship and as friends? no. because those phrases could just as easily be applied to any other girl. i knew i was all those things to some extent. what new thing did he ever show me? nothing. the only thing i gained from the 2+ years we were on and off was a new perspective on life and how i want to live mine. i suppose that is a good thing, but i didn't need him. high school did that to me, too.

it feels good to say this now, since for the longest time i hated him. when it rains it pours, right? we were never in between. it was either madly in lust or really good friends. but i couldn't be on the sidelines, ever. i remember him once saying that as one girl leaves his life, another one comes in. i know now that i was merely the girl that was always in between. a transition, if you will. and now he has someone new to please him.

he hurt me so much, in every sense of the word, but i don't hate him anymore. i know now that then i was merely caught in the moment. it would have never lasted. i'm in such a good place in my life right now. without him. without the drama associated with him. and it feels great.