i'm a jerk.

it's one thing to have this whole paranoia thing in your head. but to express it to someone, and have it totally thrown in your face (not meanly, just in a "Uh, you're paranoid..." kind of way) is really embarrassing. at least i wasn't alone in my convictions, but still. i feel bad. sorry :[

either/or

if you're in my life, i'll do just fine.
if you're out of my life, i'll do just fine.
but if you're in this perpetual limbo, where it could go either way at any time, i feel frustrated and used.

please, pick a side. whichever way you go, i'll find a way to accommodate. i care about you so much, though.

atlas

i feel like an enormous weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. oh man.

that feeling of utter dispair

it's awkward and i feel that "connection" fading. it was different before. i didn't have a chance to think about you leaving; you just did, and i couldn't do anything about it. i was helpless. but now, i can feel you leaving. i know you're changing...or maybe, this is who you were all along. i just didn't want to admit it. i am still helpless, but only because i can no longer help you.