the end of a summer.

summer 2007 was "The Summer of Juliana", a title dubbed by my family. I had just graduated from middle school, and was preparing for a three week trip to the united kingdom. i got my first boyfriend. i had amazing friends. it led up to a perfect freshman year, at a school where i found my little group of friends. my grades were nearly perfect. my life was just right. i was so happy.

summer 2008 was the complete opposite. i was dumped by that first boyfriend. friends from school transferred. i had been labled as someone who read the bible before bed (i scoff at the bible). i was lost, and it reflected sophomore year. i hadn't yet become close to my current friends. i procrastinated. once i finished/failed my only final, i was so burnt out. summer was a relief. and i was alone- but not quite lonely.

summer 2009 was a whole whirlwind. that boyfriend came back, and we fell in love all over again, but then he went to college. i'm his friend now, and vice versa- a relationship i'm rather fond of. i became closer to one friend, stacie. and now i'm quite sure i want to keep my distance. i gained three friends, lois, matt, & andrew, that i absolutely love. i rediscovered two, jen & victoria 1, that were there for me all along. i lost one, victoria 2, to a drastic move time zones and miles away, and i miss her. i went on adventures to princeton, six flags, around my own town, and ate at a diner or pizza place at least once a week. i got a job and a scholarship because of my own goddamn merit and hard work. this year i'll be balancing a college class, my usual high school workload, work, JAM events, and a service project.

but i won't expect perfection like in 2007.
i won't let my emotions get a hold of me like in 2008.
i won't keep negative people around.
i won't procrastinate.
i won't be lost.
instead,
i'll do my best.
i'll rationalize and talk it out.
i'll surround myself with love.
i'll work with a schedule.
i'll know exactly who i am.

why i keep him around.

"charlie" (12:11:38 AM): in the real world, where people aren't coddled and there are human elements involved, personality is always going to be a factor
"charlie" (12:11:43 AM): so is the ability to communicate
"charlie" (12:11:49 AM): and if you can't communicate, you're useless
"charlie" (12:12:00 AM): so if you can't hold a conversation, you're useless
"charlie" (12:12:29 AM): also, she's a fucking moron for having a public blog and bashing her friends in it
"charlie" (12:12:51 AM): and given what you've told me about her, she's a terrible person
"charlie" (12:13:04 AM): rather, she is by no means pleasant
"charlie" (12:13:47 AM): and in a setting where you have to interact with customers who are going to make split second judgements about who they're dealing with, appearence matters
"charlie" (12:13:50 AM): personality matters
"charlie" (12:13:57 AM): welcome to reality
"charlie" (12:14:22 AM): the thing you need to remember is that you have substance behind that personality, and that's why you have succeeded where she failed.
"charlie" (12:15:00 AM): /rant and anger
viva juliana (12:15:05 AM): hey charlie?
"charlie" (12:15:22 AM): yeah?
viva juliana (12:15:38 AM): i love you. and thank you.
"charlie" (12:15:55 AM): i love you too.